6 Tips for Coping with Valentine’s Day Grief

Feb 13, 2024 | Widows

Tips for Valentine's Grief

You have just gotten through the holiday without your spouse and now Valentine’s Day hits. It’s all about love!  You see it everywhere –  in stores, restaurants, and on social media. It’s another reminder that your Valentine is not here.  These are tough days.  So how do you cope?  The best way is to plan for the day. 

We call these days ‘brutaful” because they can hurt so much, but they can also be a time of remembering your spouse, and that’s a beautiful thing, even if it’s painful – and it’s part of healing. 

There is no wrong or right way to deal with this time, but we’d like to share some suggestions:

1. IGNORE IT Yes, you can decide to ignore this day and just go about your business as usual.  

2. PLAN A SELF-CARE DAY Going for a massage, a hike, a movie or staying in your pajamas watching Netflix, eating ice cream and crying.  Maybe order in a special meal and watch a favorite movie of yours or one that the two of you liked. Whatever feels right to you.

3. CONNECT WITH OTHERS WHO ARE ALONE Is there someone who will also be alone today or missing someone and you could do something together?

4. REMEMBER THEM What could you do to remember them today?  Go to the favorite restaurant of the two of you or a favorite place. Visit their gravesite with a rose and talk to them.  Write a love letter to them or buy them a Valentine’s card and take it to the gravesite. Light a candle for the day to remind you of them.  Post on social media 5 things you loved about your spouse.

5. THINK ABOUT WHO YOU WANT TO BE WITH If you want to be with people, reach out to safe friends or family.  This is also a good time to think about who you don’t want to be with.  And don’t let anyone tell you what you SHOULD be doing.  Do what is right for you.  Practice saying, “Thanks for your suggestion, but I have to do what is best for me.”

6. THINK ABOUT PRACTICING KINDNESS I remember how hard Valentine’s Day was for me so twice, I anonymously dropped off chocolates and flowers to some widows I knew.  I put them outside their front door with a message of love.  It was fun and felt good!

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to do this.  And give yourself tremendous grace and compassion.  You will get through this, but these sure can be hard days.

Don’t pretend to be okay when you’re not and don’t judge yourself or worry about anyone else judging you. 

Welcome any feelings that come up today.  Allow yourself to experience them.

The only way to get through grief is to allow yourself to grieve – and days like this are an opportunity to grieve and heal at the same time – even though it’s rough.

We hope you find something here that is helpful.

When you’re ready, there is a lot we can do to make this journey more bearable.

Check out our one-of-a-kind widow retreat here.  Our retreats are for all widows, but this August, we have one just for widowed by-suicide ladies.



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